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Tetsou clan

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Tetsou clan

Post by Ryukage on Fri Jul 23, 2010 4:38 pm

The Clan
Tetsou Clan
History, Legend of the Clan:
The Tetsou Clan used to be a rather unknown and lonely clan, living in the mountains in the southern Earth Country all by themselves, only descending into the civilized world now and then to serve as mercenaries. On the southern cliffs of the mountains, the clan used to live in self-dug caverns and tiny villages, built in such a way that they caught the least sunlight as was possible. After all, the less sunlight they had, the stronger they were and the more easily they were capable of training.

Having lived this way for as long as the human kind can remember, the Tetsou elders were approached by messengers from Kumogakure during the great war between Iwa and Kumo. The Tetsou Clan members, Iwagakure figured, had the advantage of knowing the area they were fighting in. In addition, the Lightning Country at the time was an exeptionally dark region, making them even stronger and allowing them to be of great importance in the battle between the 2 villages. Refusing to mix themselves into the squables of the outside world however, no matter how much was paid, the Tetsou elders sent the messengers back with empty hands. They desired only to fight for the good cause. As there was none of such in this battle, they decided not to take part in the war at all.

The Tsuchikage did not take this news as good as the Tetsou elders would've hoped, however. Blinded by rage, he sent an impressive force of Iwa's ANBU members to hunt down the lonely clan and force them into submission. This resulted into a large slaughter, in which a major part of the Tetsou clan was slain, and a minor part of the members managed to get away and sought protection inside the great walls of Kumogakure. For centuries had they been hiding themselves up in the hills, but now they would side with Iwa's greatest enemy to get back on them for what they had done.

Quickly after the Tetsou clan took residance inside Iwa however, the battle was ceased and the war was over. Though this ment they could freely return home for most of the clan members, few had settled themselves inside the hidden village so well they figured they might just as well stay. These clan members still populate small sections of Kumogakure today, fighting for the village they sided with back then.

Kekkai Genkai or Bloodline of the Clan:
Shingou:
The members of the Tetsou clan all possess a special aura of augmented chakra in combination with their special 'Push Chakra', in which they can use their chakra internal and external to exceed it's normal limitations. This essencially gives the members small dominion or authority over the way chakra works for their bodies. This allows them the ability to extert chakra out of their bodies and solidify it to push certain solid objects with their chakra within a 50m area. This clan also weilds the ability to over work their own chakra by pushing it to a higher level of the normal shinobi creating hightened senses of sensory.(Sensory is only 50m max) This technique is known as the Shingou and once established comes with a variety of abilities that are determined as Secret Clan Jutsu. With the ability to extend their chakra system around themselves in combination with the natural abilities of their 'Push Chakra', clan members in turn can produce a skillful array of techniques.

As for pushing chakra it's become noticable that I have to break things down Barney Style. lol

Genin: The limits for genin to push their chakra is only within 15m of themselves. They are only able to excert their chakra from their wn body allowing them to move certain solid object of lighter weight. (Light and heavy weapons, Large Stones, Max is about 250lbs) They also carry the ability to push their chakra to their chakra to a greater ability slightly increasing their sensory.(15m)
Speeds

1-75lbs: Easily moved speed is slighly fast.
76-150lbs Med when it comes to speed. Luck of the draw when it comes to use
151-250lbs Slow. This weight usually isn't used in battle unless really needed.
Chuunin: The limits for chuunin to push their chakra is only within 25m of themselves. They are only able to excert their chakra from their own body allowing them to move certain solid object of Medium weight. (Small boulders, Small trees logs, Max is about 500lbs) They also carry the ability to push their chakra to their chakra to a greater ability slightly increasing their sensory. (25m)
Speeds

1-150bs: Easily moved speed is slighly fast.
151-300lbs Med when it comes to speed. Luck of the draw when it comes to use
301-500lbs Slow. This weight usually isn't used in battle unless really needed.
Jounin: The limits for jounin to push their chakra is only within 35m of themselves. They are only able to excert their chakra from their own body allowing them to move certain solid object of Heavy weight. (Boulders, Trees, Max weight is about 1000lbs They also carry the ability to push their chakra to their chakra to a greater ability slightly increasing their sensory.(35m)
Speeds

1-300lbs: Easily moved speed is slighly fast.
301-70lbs Med when it comes to speed. Luck of the draw when it comes to use
701-1000lbs Slow. This weight usually isn't used in battle unless really needed.
Kage: The limits for Kage to push their chakra is only within 50m of themselves. They are only able to excert their chakra from their own body allowing them to move certain solid object of Massive weight.(Max weight is about 1500lbs) They also carry the ability to push their chakra to their chakra to a greater ability slightly increasing their sensory.(50m)
Speeds

1-700lbs: Easily moved speed is slighly fast.
701-1000lbs Med when it comes to speed. Luck of the draw when it comes to use
1001-1500lbs Slow. This weight usually isn't used in battle unless really needed.
Increased Speed/Strength
-10-25% faster and stronger then the average shinobi (Due only to a heredity of being faster. Like, for example, how black people are considered faster because of their physical adaptations)


-15% speed increase
-25% increase in strength


Chakra Mastery
Due to being chakra pushers the Tetsuo body naturally reduces the use of chakra. Over the years of time this clan has learned and grasped the ability to use less chakra but get the same effect as any normal ability. After using this useful tool for so long it became natural in the Tetsuo bloodline. This abiliity had become somewhat genetic to the clan.

-Seems like 25% increase


Chakra Radar
The Tetsuo can sense different types of chakra of different shinobi within a 50m radius. The farther the shinobi is, the weaker the sense is. The closer it is, the better
chance the Tetsuo has for sensing who and where the opponent or ally is.
D-Ranked: At this rank shinobi are allowed a 5m Radius of sensory within their body range. This ability will last for 2 post before it fades away and is useless. Ability can be activated at will but not deactivated.
C-Rank: At this rank shinobi are allowed a 10m Radius of sensory within their body range. This ability will last for 3 post before it fades away and is useless. Ability can be activated at will but not deactivated.
B-Ranked: At this rank shinobi are allowed a 20m Radius of sensory within their body range. This ability will last for 4 post before it fades away and is useless. Ability can be activated at will but not deactivated.
A-Ranked: At this rank shinobi are allowed a 40m Radius of sensory within their body range. This ability will last for 5 post before it fades away and is useless. Ability can be turned on at will but not deactivated.
S-Ranked: At this rank shinobi are allowed a 50m Radius of sensory within their body range. This ability will last for 7 post before it fades away and is useless. Ability can be activated at will but not deactivated.

Jutsu:
Spoiler:

Name: Sky Walking no jutsu
Rank: D-S
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a basic Tetsou clan's justu. The Tetsou stores chakra within the soles of their feet and then expand and solidfy it to lift them 10+ft in the air. From this position the Tetsou still have the ability to do their usual needs such as jump, run, and and perform jutsu. However this jutsu can only last two post if the Tetsou chose to weild it that long.
D-Rank: The clan has the ability to lift themselves into the air (1-5ft). While at this position everything remains the same and they can stay in this position for 2 post. There is a E-Rank chakra useage for every post after the first
C-Ranked: The clan has the ability to lift themselves into the air (1-10ft). While at this position everything remains the same and they can stay in this position for 3 post. There is a E-Rank chakra useage for every post after the first
B-Ranked: The clan has the ability to lift themselves into the air (1-20ft). While at this position everything remains the same and they can stay in this position for 4 post. There is a E-Rank chakra useage for every post after the first
A-Ranked: The clan has the ability to lift themselves into the air (1-30ft). While at this position everything remains the same and they can stay in this position for 5 post. There is a D-Rank chakra useage for every post after the first
S-Ranked: The clan has the ability to lift themselves into the air (1-40ft). While at this position everything remains the same and they can stay in this position for 7 post. There is a D-Rank chakra useage for every post after the first

Name: Chakra Hands
Rank: D
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: A simple jutsu of the Tetsou clan. This jutsu allows them to for a coat of chakra around their hands. In doing so the Tetsou will be granted the ability to grab or catch sharp objects such as regular blades, Kunai, shiruken even if they are forced into their hands. Steller when is come into blocking weaponry. Chakra coat last for 3 post.

Name: Under Water Motion Technique
Rank: D
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This technique allows the user to propel themselves through a body of water by using their chakra. While underwater, this technique will also partially mask their presence and will not disturb the surface of the water.

Name: Art of walking anywhere
Rank: C
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a technique that branches from the 'water walking technique' This allows the user to walk normally on almost any surface; sticky, slick, incredibly hot, liquid etc., as if it were a normal surface. One could theoretically walk on magma without being burned or run on ice without sliding; making the uses numerous and adaptive.

Name: Chakra Suppression
Rank: C
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a simple ninjutsu in which one forms the majority of their chakra into physical and spiritual energy, storing it as stamina so that those that sense objects with chakra will be unable to sense the user. They can then summon up chakra as needed. This is one of the few jutsu the tetsou use internally.

Name: Chakra Force
Rank: C-S
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is Tetsou clan kutsu in which the clan probably the most known for. With the ability to force their chakra externaly the Tetsou can expand it and then solify their chakra to force solid objects to move. However at a low rank the object can only be moved in a straight line and only a certain size depending on the master to the clans KKG.
C-Ranked: As a genin the Tetsou only have the ability to control one object at a time. At this stage this jutsu is very limited and the object being moved may be no larger than a person. The weight of the object may vary to the the fact they aren't actually moving things physically. The object moved can only be moved up to 10m in a straight line. This object can only be moved horizontal but the force behind it is great. (can be used offensively and defensively)
Able to move ocjects for 1 post.

B Ranked: At this stage the Tetsou gain a little more control over their KKG and are able to now move two objects at the same time. These two solid objects can be moved only in a straight line but they can be moved in two different directions. These object can only be moved up to 20m in a straight line. These objects are no larger than a mid sized car and can only be moved horzontal. (Weight Varies) These object can only be moved horizontal but the force behind it is great. (can be used offensively and defensively)
Able to move objects for 2 post

A Ranked: At this stage a jounin ranked shinobi gain the ability to move up to three solid objects at once. These objects may be as large as fallen trees and huge boulders. As well as moving these objects horizontal Jounin can also move things verticaly. However vertical objects can only be moved up to 10m in the air while horizontal can be moved 30m on the ground. (Weight Varies) These object can only be moved horizontal but the force behind it is great. (can be used offensively and defensively)
Able to move objects for three post.

S-Ranked: Everything at this stage stays the sames as jounin except the range
and quanity. The range increases to 50m horizontal and 20m vertical. Also 5 objects may be move at once as well.
Able to move object for 5 post

Name: Chakra Push
Rank: B
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: With this jutsu, the user will form chakra in their hand before shoving a force chakra outwards at a target. If they are within 10 feet of the user, the chakra that is expelled will both knock the opponent away about 10 more feet¬, and cause damage as the chakra slashes them 100x all over their bodies.(Due to the chakra force is actually 100 micro chakra strings nitted tightly together.) this jutsu causes extreme cuts on the targets outside, ripping their clothes to shreds and leaving lots of small flesh wounds. The jutsu is also extremely fast. If within 10ft of the use the opponent has an 90% chance of being hit. This jutsu is not radial Their is also a 1 post delay between each time the clan can perform this jutsu.

Name: Chakra Aura
Rank: B
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a Tetsou defensive special jutsu. The clan member will push their chakra out of their body externally creating a dome like orb around their body to defend themselves from all weapons, ninjutsu, and taijutsu of it's lower rank. However the clan member aren't allowed to perform jutsu at all while this jutsu is being in use. However weapons, items and mobility are still the same as before. This Aura is held for 2 post and is broken if hitten by 3 D-ranked,2 C ranked, or 1 B Ranked jutsu.

Name: Mind Clensing Technique
Rank: E-S
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This technique allows the user to have total control over their own mind. By consentring chakra withiin their mind they can force other chakra from disrupting their minds by forcing it out with their own source. This Jutsu will last for up to 2 post making non doujutsu genjutsu useless.

Name: Chakra Battle Cross Attack
Rank: A
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description:The Tetsou are able to work up large chakra and blast it forcefully toward their emeny. This cross-shaped blast of chakra capable of homing in on its opponent. This chakra is nearly invisible to the average eye. The blast of this jutsu is 5x bigger then the user using it. If the opponent is hit by this jutsu the chkra will cut their bodies leaving 1000 small flesh cut wounds. (Due to the chakra force is actually 10000 micro chakra strings nitted tightly together.) However if the attack his it dispurse after the first 1000 cuts. Very Fatal the opponent will die if not healed by the next post.

Clan Information
- Clan Size:
1
- Nature and Values:
Money and power
Additional Information
- Clan Founder:
Kaneo Tetsou
- Relationship:
The one who breaks ties
- Clan Political Structure:
To goin all power.
- Important Members:
All members are inportant. (1)Hintz


Last edited by Ryukage on Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:28 am; edited 6 times in total

Ryukage

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Re: Tetsou clan

Post by Sau on Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:26 pm

The Review



Name: Mind Clensing Technique
Rank: B
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This technique allows the user to have total control over their own mind. By consentring chakra withiin their mind they can force other chakra from disrupting their minds by forcing it out with their own source. This Jutsu will last for up to 3 post making genjutsu useless.

Three posts is just to long (for long post rpers, ALOT can happen in three posts), Genjutsu is something that people with a Sharingan such as myself need. I think, that to be fair, if you want to get rid of it for three whole posts, it would need to be S - Ranked, if you want to keep it B ranked, then make it one post. That, or you could say that it blocks non doujutsu related genjutsu for two posts at B rank, and blocks doujutsu releated genjutsu at A rank for two posts. If you want to block genjutsu period then you need to make it E-S rank.

The Tetsou can switch the chakra lines in thier body that connect to their fatty tissue and covert that chakra to connect with their muscles. By diverting all the chakra that would normally go to their other areas of the body into the muscles would increase their strength and speed dramatically.

While you mentioned percentages, they are easily manipulated. You need to go into detail and describe how much speed/strength you get, how long it lasts, and what side effects are caused at each rank. Any increase to the muscles puts strain on them, thus causing some side effects. Each side effect would not be as bad as one of a higher rank, meaning C rank Strength increase would not hurt as much as an A rank strength increase.

Due to being chakra pushers the Tetsuo body naturally reduces the use of chakra. Over the years of time this clan has learned and grasped the ability to use less chakra but get the same effect as any normal ability. After using this useful tool for so long it became natural in the Tetsuo bloodline. This abiliity had become somewhat genetic to the clan.

I can see this getting way out of hand, that basically means you could use an S rank jutsu for the price of a B ranked jutsu, and that is just a no. Perhaps if you make a jutsu that allows you to use other jutsu at one rank lower for one post..or something along those lines..i on the other hand do not like the likely hood of this being metagamed.



Chakra Radar
The Tetsuo can sense different types of chakra of different shinobi within a 100m radius. The farther the shinobi is, the weaker the sense is. The closer it is, the better chance the Tetsuo has for sensing who and where the opponent or ally is.

Now this is something everyone likes, I do not seeing this getting approved as is. What I think is that you should allow the range be determiend by the rank of the jutsu. Basically, and by the way, 100 M is ALOT, especially in radius.. o..o. Feet is a much more approvable measurment. You did not have a time limit, to know where your enemy is at all times is also a no...so for each rank, needs a time limit, or perhaps D-B rank lasts for one post, A-S lasts for two posts.

D rank lets you sense in a 15 ft radius
C rank lets you sense in a 25 ft radius

and so on.


Jutsu:

Here are my comments on these:

Name: Sky Walking no jutsu
Rank: D
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a basic Tetsou clan's justu. The Tetsou stores chakra within the soles of their feet and then expand it 10ft in the air. From this position the Tetsou still have the ability to do their usual needs such as jump, run, and and perform jutsu. However this jutsu can only last two post if the Tetsou chose to weild it that long

While you said it stores chakra within their feet, and the title states "sky walking" you did not mention that you could walk on the Sky within the description, plus without it being wind natured element, i do not see how the chakara would allow you to float. I also see that you did not specify how far you could go, like i stated, alot can happen in one post..so two you could travel a mile with a shuushin plus this jutsu. o..o, in like a matter of seconds.
You also did not state what type of jutsu it was, meaning Gen/Ninjutsu/ etc.

Now, I can see this jutsu becoming better as rank increases, so perhaps you could make it a D-S rank jutsu to prolong how long you can 'walk' on the air.


Name: Chakra Hands
Rank: D
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: A simple jutsu of the Tetsou clan. This jutsu allows them to for a coat of chakra around their hands. In doing so the Tetsou will be granted the ability to grad only to sharp objects such as blades, Kunai, shiruken even if they are forced into their hands. Steller when is come into blockin weaponry. Chakra coat last for 5 post

This is to powerful at D ranked, this basically says you could catch a sword with chakara on it weilded by a jounin. You need to dilute this jutsu a bit, parhaps specifying the limitations of what it can block.

Name: Under Water Motion Technique
Rank: D
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This technique allows the user to propel themselves through a body of water by using their chakra. While underwater, this technique will also partially mask their presence and will not disturb the surface of the water.

Describe how the chakra hides the water from being disturbed. Describe how long it lasts, via post amount.

Name: Art of walking anywhere
Rank: C
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a technique that branches from the 'water walking technique' This allows the user to walk normally on almost any surface; sticky, slick, incredibly hot, liquid etc., as if it were a normal surface. One could theoretically walk on magma without being burned or run on ice without sliding; making the uses numerous and adaptive.

I don't agree with this only because Magma, Ice, Sticky, Or slick describes a wide amount of surfaces, but they could all be at varying degrees of hotness, coldness, stickyness, or slickness. I'd say that this should have limits based on heat, slickness, and other things.

Name: Chakra Suppression
Rank: C
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a simple ninjutsu in which one forms the majority of their chakra into physical and spiritual energy, storing it as stamina so that those that sense objects with chakra will be unable to sense the user. They can then summon up chakra as needed.

I don't really understand how you can convert chakra into stamina, perhaps it is logical to others but i am not sure if it is possilbe. I am not saying that it is impossible, because in Naruto we have alot of other things that are defintely impossibe..this is one of the more generic things. This is the best way i've have seen chakra supression described. Perhaps a mod can get some other opinions on it.



Name: Chakra Force
Rank: C-S
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is Tetsou clan kutsu in which the clan probably the most known for. With the ability to force their chakra externaly the Tetsou can expand it and then solify their chakra to force solid objects to move. However at a low rank the object can only be moved in a straight line and only a certain size depending on the master to the clans KKG.
C-Ranked: As a genin the Tetsou only have the ability to control one object at a time. At this stage this jutsu is very limited and the object being moved may be no larger than a 40in T.V. The weight of the object may vary to the the fact they aren't actually moving things physically. The object moved can only be moved up to 10m in a straight line. This object can only be moved horizontal but the force behind it is great. (can be used offensively and defensively)
B Ranked: At this stage the Tetsou gain a little more control over their KKG and are able to now move two objects at the same time. These two solid objects can be moved only in a straight line but they can be moved in two different directions. These object can only be moved up to 20m in a straight line. These objects are no larger than a mid sized car and can only be moved horzontal. (Weight Varies) These object can only be moved horizontal but the force behind it is great. (can be used offensively and defensively)
A Ranked: At this stage a jounin ranked shinobi gain the ability to move up to three solid objects at once. These objects may be as large as fallen trees and huge boulders. As well as moving these objects horizontal Jounin can also move things verticaly. However vertical objects can only be moved up to 10m in the air while horizontal can be moved 30m on the ground. (Weight Varies) These object can only be moved horizontal but the force behind it is great. (can be used offensively and defensively)
S-Ranked: Everything at this stage stays the sames as jounin except the range
and quanity. The range increases to 50m horizontal and 20m vertical. Also 5 objects may be move at once as well.

I love this, absoultely love this. A lot of people want to do what Pein does, yet few manage to do it without going overbord. There are a few small problems though that I couldn't help but notice. In every upgrade (rank increase) you fail to state how much weight you can lift, i know its hard to do it seeing as every object will be differet weights but perhaps a total amount of wait per upgrade (rank increase). Now, alot of this seems sustainted, so you need to say how long you can move these obects based on rank, obviously the higher the rank the lower the amount of time you can manipulate the object. One thing i can see becoming a problem is how fast an object thrown moves, it is obvious that the heavier objects will move slower, but perhaps some type of speed specifications for such things.


Name: Chakra Push
Rank: B
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: With this jutsu, the user will form chakra in their hand before shoving outwards at a target. If they are within 10 feet of the user, the chakra that is expelled will both knock the opponent away about 15 more feet¬, and cause damage as the chakra slashes them 100x all over their bodies. This jutsu causes extreme cuts on the targets outside, ripping their clothes to shreds and leaving lots of wounds. The jutsu is also extremely fast. If within 10ft of the use the opponent has an 80% chance of being hit .

There is so much Pein in this clan that your character might as well look like him. But that aside I think that ten feet is a lot if your talking about a radius, you did nto say that you expelled the force from your hands, which i'd might recommend. Perhpaps a post time interval at which you can use this post, like Pein.. it would get very op and annoying if you did this over and over and over to someone trying to attack you. The only way I see this working is if you have Wind Element within it, because your not using gravity and the cutting effect would only happen with the Wind Element. At best this is an A ranked jutsu, but with the small range perhaps B can slide.

Name: Chakra Aura
Rank: B
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description: This is a Tetsou defensive special jutsu. The clan member will push their chakra out of their body externally creating a dome like orb around their body to defend themselves from all weapons and jutsu of it's lower rank. However the clan member aren't allowed to perform ninjutsu while this jutsu is being in use. However weapons, items and mobility are still the same as before. This Aura is held for 2 post

As is i see it being very op, to block anything below B rank for two whole posts while still beign able to use Fuuinjutsu/Genjutsu/ and Taijutsu. I think that you should not be able to move (in a sense like Neji's sphere where he is preoccupied with spinning). I think this is plausible to last for two posts, however if your hit with two C ranked jutsu

Name: Chakra Battle Cross Attack
Rank: A
Type: Clan
Element: N/A
Description:The Tetsou are able to work up large chakra and blast it forcefully toward their emeny. This cross-shaped blast of chakra capable of homing in on its opponent. This chakra is nearly invisible to the average eye. The blast of this jutsu is 5x bigger then the user using it. If the opponent is hit by this jutsu the chkra will cut their bodies leaving 1000 flesh wounds. Very Fatal the opponent will die if not healed by the next post.

I don't think you can really measure how many slashes it is, perhaps you could state that it cuts you up very very badly. If it was a cross shaped blast then if it hit you, you would be chopped in half, or diced like steak. Perhaps an aura could surround the cross that cuts you into bits, and slashes at your body. If you don't want it to chop you into bits, then you need to take off the cross shaped blast. I don't see this working without Wind Element.

In Summary:

I love how it is based on Pein and a few other characters, or at least that is my impression. A lot of the problems were due to the fact that a few people may have problems with the over capability your clan poesesses. As with everything a bit of watering down can go a long way to make a clan acceptable. I also noticed that your jutsu template is off, you need to specify it by having a Type catergory, stating wheter it is a Ninjutsu/Genjutsu/etc. There also seems to be a coding problem at the bottom of the screen, where it says [/size] If you fix these problems i don't see why you cannot be approved.

- Sau






















Last edited by Sau on Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:56 pm; edited 3 times in total

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Re: Tetsou clan

Post by Ryukage on Tue Jul 27, 2010 7:16 pm

Finished editing

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Re: Tetsou clan

Post by Glass~Heart on Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:24 am

Looks fine after the changes.

~Approved

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